Why Are We Afraid Of Our Children?

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When my husband and I were living in Queens, he told me a story that I could not believe. He was at the local watering hole when he and a few of his friends decided to go outside for a cigarette. While they were standing on the sidewalk, a group of kids who appeared to be about eleven or twelve years old rode by on scooters. According to my husband, they rode “right in front of them” and never said “excuse me” or “sorry.” My husband expressed his annoyance to the other men who explained to him that those particular kids were a “gang” who had attacked and killed a local man.

As my husband told me this story, I took a few moments to think about it. After a brief pause, I responded.

“Ok,” I began. “So let me get this straight. What you are telling me is that we have a group of maraudering 11 year olds who are running around the neighborhood and murdering people on scooters.”

He nodded slowly for emphasis. “Can you believe it?”

I looked at him and shook my head. “Uhm, no.”

“Why not?” He was visibly insulted.

“Because don’t you think that if you were going to murder someone, you’d find a quicker get-away method than a scooter?”

 

I am using this story as an example to illustrate the fear and misunderstanding that adults in our society have of children. My husband is a 37 year old man who stands at about six foot five. His friends are fairly close in age and height. None of them are passive or meek in any way, yet for some reason, they were afraid of these children.

I pressed him. “Did any of you yell at them for riding right in front of you?”

He looked at me blankly.

And herein lies the problem. There is no doubt that the kids who passed my husband and his friends were disrespectful. I am sure that they probably had tried to intimidate some adults and maybe even shake them down at some point. But why had the adults let them?

Simply put, we are a society who is afraid of our own children. Make no mistake about it; an eleven year old is a child. For all of their posturing and self induced importance, they are babies at heart-so why are we so afraid to treat them as such?

When I pressed my husband as to why he and a group of grown men had not yelled at the kids, he expressed concern that he would “be sued.” He was afraid that the kid would go home and tell their parents, who would in turn report him to the police or to some other legal institution. Unfortunately, his fears had some basis in reality.

We are constantly reading or hearing stories about an adult who tries to reprimand a child and who ends up in court or in jail. Those of us who work with children have often heard the phrase, “If you don’t let me do this, I’m going to tell my mother.”

Make no mistake about this. Many adults shake upon hearing these words. In the education field, such references to reporting can really bring about some fear. A complaint to one’s mother can definitely lead to a phone call to the school and thereby a summonses to the principal’s office.

So friggin what?

I truly respect children. I believe that they are our greatest resource as a nation. I have devoted my life to making sure that the least among us are treated with the utmost respect. As an educator, I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to achieve certifications and to earn degrees which, in other careers, would result in a much larger salary and a far better lifestyle. I do this because I believe that our children deserve the best. They deserve to have a teacher who is educated in their content area and teaching practices. They deserve to be acknowledged for their accomplishments and to be guided when they make mistakes.

When my students make mistakes, I tell them that they have done so. Bottom line. No sugar coating. No political correctness. “You shouldn’t have done that.” (Such an unheard phrase) “What you did was wrong.” (Another antiquated expression) “And now, let’s talk about how you can make it better.”

Isn’t this what children need?

Years ago, teachers were treated as extensions of the family. A parent knew that when they sent their child to school, the child was being looked after and guided in a similar fashion as to what was being taught at home. The teacher was given the same respect as a parent. What has happened?

I wish I knew.

Perhaps you do. I’m all out of opinions right now.

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Filed under General Rantings, education

Tags: adults losing control, afraid of our children, children, children in our society, education, out of control, schools out of control, violence by children, violence in schools